My bad recommendation experience.

I was nervous. I walking down the hall toward my former English teacher's classroom, preparing to ask him for a recommendation letter. Now, I had already asked many of my teachers for letters, so I couldn't figure out why I was so scared. What's the big deal? I had always been a good, friendly student so the worst he could say was no. 

When I knocked on Mr. Brown's* office door, he looked up, surprised to see me.  

"Hello, Lindsay, what can I do for you today?"

"Umm, well, I w-w-was wondering if you could write a recommendation letter for me?" I was stuttering--since when did I stutter?

"Sure," said Mr. Brown, "When do you need it by?"

"Next week." I said.  How horrifying, I knew this was not a lot of time.

"No problem, you can pick it up on Friday."

I was elated.  This was sooner than I expected.  

Friday came, I picked up my recommendation and thanked Mr. Brown. It was very generous of him to take the time and write me a recommendation on such short notice. There was just one (huge) problem. The recommendation was horrible. It listed the wrong activities, didn't sound very personal, and was addressed as "to whom it may concern." It was too late for me to ask for any revisions--my application deadline was only a few days away. I ended up sending that recommendation along with the rest of my scholarship application.  

I didn't win that award.

Now, hind-sight is always 20/20. My poor planning and lack of consideration created the miserable recommendation. It was my fault. Not only did I put Mr. Brown on the spot, I didn't provide him with any helpful information.  I should have known from my nervousness and his surprise at seeing me in his office that we didn't know each other well enough. Alas, these tough experiences often teach you the best lessons.  Here is what I learned from this recommendation writing escapade:

1. Teachers, coaches, and mentors that you know best will write the best letters for you.  If you feel nervous asking, or haven't kept in contact with a teacher, it is probably best not to ask.  
2. Allow plenty of time for your recommendation writers.  One week is simply not sufficient. Give at least three weeks to one month notice.
3. Provide your writers with helpful information. Give them your brag sheet or activity list, tell them the names of the people on the application committee, or at least the name of the award you are applying for.
4. Thank them. Follow-up with a thank you note. They are doing you a favor, it is best to show your appreciation.

Remember, recommendations are basically third-party testimonials about you. They are the only outside information scholarship committees have access to, so make the most of them by learning from my mistakes.  Happy hunting!

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.

It turns out parents do have a say.

If you think that recommendation writers are only teachers, coaches, or mentors, think again. The new college-application recommendation writer? Parents.  

So students and parents, it's time to get along.

According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press (4/16/08), colleges are increasingly asking for parents to provide input regarding their students. Colleges like Centre College in Danville, Kentucky and Hobart and William Smith Colleges in Geneva, New York provide forms for elective participation from applicants' parents. 

Now while this is an increasing trend, it's important to let you know that it is by no means the norm. There's a lot of debate over whether parental recommendations are a good thing or not. Critics claim that these recommendations are not only biased, but put "applicants from single-parent, low-income, first-generation American, first-generation college and international families" (Pioneer Press) at a disadvantage. In addition, one student said she was "embarrassed" when she read what her mother wrote and sent to her desired college.

Proponents, however, claim that the letters give admission committees a more complete perspective, allowing them a chance to see the applicant in the eyes of a parent. The letters help the process become more personal and well-rounded. It is important to add that this portion of the application is not weighted in any way toward a final "accept or reject" decision, but it would be "naive to say that they don't influence [committees] one way or another" (Pioneer Press).

So what's a kid (or parent) to do?

• Lay some ground rules. Discuss what is on and off limits in the letter. Certainly, its OK to talk about achievements and overcoming hardships, but the line is crossed when you start talking about "how proud you were of Suzie when she was finally potty-trained!"
• Try to give both praise and constructive criticism in the letter. As a parent, you want to portray your child in the best light, and this advice may seem contradictory to your nature. However, studies show that recommendations that include some weaknesses about the student are received as more authentic and valuable by application committees.
• Take it in stride.  Application time is stressful enough without adding fuel to the fire. Be open and communicate with one another--discuss how the recommendation will fit in to the entire application. Can it explain the semester of low grades? Expose a hidden talent? In reality, these letters can be a positive addition to the overall application.

The bottom line? This type of recommendation is not going away, so it's best to take advantage and make it work in your favor!